I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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