But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
