Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
