And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
