i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
