The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
