So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
