i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
