well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
