I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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