dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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