Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
