we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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