Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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