Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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