Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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