I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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