did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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