I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
