You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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