Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
