respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
