It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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