just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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