yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
