Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
