I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
