Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
