Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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