there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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