I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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