its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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