he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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