If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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