I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
