Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
