I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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