a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize