he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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