why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
is that a dick in a sweater?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
