I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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