Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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