I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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