i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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