After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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