Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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