With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
