arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
