ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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