absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
