My liver just broke up with me...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
