So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
