Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
