you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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