Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
