just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
