Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
