I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
