um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
