How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
